1. Each time you want to start your noisy “I better pass my neighbour” generator, place it by your neighbour’s window. If they complain about it, tell them “that’s how I want it.”<\/p>\n
2. When you’re watching a football match with other people, wait until a team is making a move that is likely to result in a goal, then stand right in front of the TV, and say, “check me out.” Or better yet, just switch off the TV at that point.<\/p>\n
3. Visit the ATM when there is a long queue of people waiting under the scorching heat of the sun, ignore the long queue, head straight for the ATM, and try to make your withdrawal.<\/p>\n
4. When it\u2019s a day to your exams, when everyone is reading in the library, break the silence by using your foot to rub a bottle-top against the ground. If you’re told to stop, tell them it helps you assimilate better.<\/p>\n
5. Give your dog the name, “Dog”.<\/p>\n
6. Do not add any inflection (lowered tone) to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you still have more to say.<\/p>\n
7. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.<\/p>\n
8. Disassemble your pen and deliberately flip the ink cartridge across your room.<\/p>\n
9. Adjust the color tint on your TV so that everything appears green, and insist to others that “green is your best color.”<\/p>\n
10. Wear a bright pink shirt over a lemon green skirt\/pair of trousers. Add a sky blue shoe to match, and top it with a white hat.<\/p>\n
11. Pay for everything you buy with N5 notes only — even when you spend N10,000.<\/p>\n
12. While driving, park right in the middle of the road, and bring out a newspaper to read.<\/p>\n
13. When you see someone reading, stand over their shoulder and read aloud what you see in their book.<\/p>\n
14. Ask anyone you just meet what gender they are<\/p>\n
15. Insist on obviously wrong facts, such as saying it’s a Saturday when it’s actually a Tuesday.<\/p>\n
16. Leave your home decorated with lit Christmas lights until September.<\/p>\n
17. Chew on pens that you borrowed.<\/p>\n
18. Use too much perfume.<\/p>\n
19. At every gathering, reserve an extra seat for your handbag, even when there are no chairs for others.<\/p>\n
20. Never make eye contact when talking to others.<\/p>\n
21. Never break eye contact when talking to others.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
1. Each time you want to start your noisy “I better pass my neighbour” generator, place it by your neighbour’s … <\/p>\n